I officially went back to work today.
I work as an audiology assistant in an ENT/Audiology office. This means that I work on hearing aids (cleaning, repairing, training on usage), and that I do a lot of miscellaneous office work. I am working on getting my certificate in the field, although I don't know if I would find a job at another audiology office if we ever move.
God that sounded boring.
Point is, I work. Now that I have The Kid, I will only be working three days a week, which is pretty awesome. Today The Kid started daycare.
I've been dreading this day.
I have heard many opinions from people about my planning to be a working mom. Some say, "hey, good for you, it's great that you like your job!" Others say, "Will you be working full time?" and still others, "So, who is watching The Kid?"
I always want to say, "Oh, I just leave him at home with some kibble and a bowl of milk. I put True Blood on in the background so he doesn't get bored or lonely."
For those people who ask the latter question, I pretty much know their view on the subject: I shouldn't work. I don't have family in the area, so if I work, it means I need to use daycare. There are a lot of people who have very strong feelings on the subject of daycare. I've heard (not from anyone I consider a friend), "do you want a daycare raising your child?" Well, no. Does that mean that once a kid starts kindergarten, they're being raised by the public school system? No? Okay, didn't think so.
To me, daycare is sort of like school for The Kid. We don't have any friends in the area with little kids, so it's not like he's going to have any baby friends anytime soon. I'm hoping that he'll pick up some good habits at daycare (like learning how to share, playing with others, all that good stuff) along with the inevitable bad habits (I swear he learned those words at daycare, Mom. Seriously, who parents these kids??).
So I brought The Kid to daycare this morning, along with a jumbo pack of diapers, an overstuffed diaper bag with multiple clothing changes just in case, four pacifiers (because... yeah, I dunno), and an anxious pressure in my chest. I spoke with the gals there, reminded them that I work just down the hallway in case they need me, and left with a lump in my throat.
Several times during the day I thought, 'maybe I'll just walk past to see how he's doing....' But I was able to hold off until his feeding time. The great part of having daycare in the same building as my office is that I can feed him during the day, or I can pump, depending on how crazy our schedule is for the day.
My anxiety was wasted, however, because The Kid was TOTALLY chill. After waking up five times last night (causing The Mom to mutter all sorts of bad words under her breath), he was apparently exhausted, because he napped and cuddled most of the day. He seemed happy to see me each time I went in to see him, which felt good.
And you know what felt REALLY good?
Going home for lunch and eating BY MYSELF. I live three blocks from the hospital, so I can easily run home and grab lunch. The thing is, I haven't been able to be in our apartment by myself since The Kid was born. Awake, that is... The Hubs has taken The Kid with him once or twice while I napped or slept in, but this was the first time I was conscious and alone.
And man... it felt awesome. No rushing through lunch so I can calm my crying son down, no eating while breastfeeding him, just me, relaxing.
I felt good at work today, even though it was sort of an insane day, and I'd had very little sleep. I'm good at my job, and I know what to expect. I LOVE being a mom, but it was nice to have a few hours off to do something else, to have other responsibilities. And when I picked up The Kid and took him home? We cuddled and cuddled and cuddled, and I realized how much I had missed him.
I think this working mom thing is going to be okay.